Marriage

The following was written by staff at Faith Community Church in Phoenix AZ to be used for a group study. Scroll to the bottom of the page for recommended reading for the topics of singles and divorce.

COVENANT RELATIONSHIP

Marriage is a covenant relationship between two people. Malachi 2:14 A covenant is a very serious commitment in the eyes of God. From the Bible, we see that covenants were sacred and held unto death.  They were not entered into lightly, and the commitment was for life.  This is how committed God is to us!

This is love not based on simply emotions, feelings, or circumstances, but based on a quality decision of the will. “I live for the benefit of my covenant partner and vice versa.” We need to see our marriage as a total commitment to that person.

ONE FLESH

God removed part of man and formed woman.  Proverbs 18:22, Genesis 2:21-23 Man recognized woman as part of himself.  Genesis 2:24 Together they were complete, as one flesh. Man and woman were created to be complimentary to each other, to complete the other, both equal before God. Matthew 19:5-6, Ephesians 5:31, Galatians 3:28 They were meant to appreciate and enjoy one another mentally, emotionally and physically, and draw strength from this unity. In marriage, our bodies belong to one another, therefore we should not deny one another’s physical needs. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5  This physical expression was intended for marriage, within the framework of commitment, love and security, as the fullest expression of mutual love.  Any children resulting from the union, would then be brought up in a safe, secure, loving environment. Proverbs 5:15-20, Hebrews 13:4, 1Corinthians 6:18

ROLES

Both male and female were created in the image of God. Genesis 1:26 Woman was taken out of man, not formed separately, that she and he might be completing to each other, not to compete with one another. The responsibility of headship is with the man.  He  is the leader, protector and provider.  Ephesians 5:23
The wife is second in command, and is there to support and help him, and obviously submits to his authority as her head. Ephesians 5:22, Genesis 2:18.  Note: the wife does not have to submit if her husband is asking her to be submissive to something outside of God’s Word for example stealing, cheating, lying etc.
They should be working together as a team, with mutual love and respect, with ultimate responsibility for final decisions resting with the husband.  This promotes harmony, as there are not two people pulling in two different directions.  The husband needs to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. Ephesians 5:25.  If he loves greatly like Christ, then it should be easy for the woman to submit to his leadership.

CENTRAL FOCUS

Jesus Christ and the Word of God needs to be the center of a Christian marriage. Colossians 1:18, Hebrews 12:2, Philippians 3:8
It is important to know and obey God’s Word, as His principles for marriage and life bring stability, harmony, respect, forgiveness, love, grace…  Joshua 1:8, Proverbs 4:20-22
It is vital to pray daily with one another, this brings amazing spiritual strength and bonding.  It is powerful. Matthew 18:19

MANS NEEDS

Significance – he needs to know that his wife respects him, and values his opinions and judgment.  A secure man becomes a better husband, father, uses better judgment, and improves his capacity to love his family.  Proverbs 12:4
Physical – he usually has a strong, physical drive which needs fulfillment.

WOMAN’S NEEDS

Caring, romance affection – she needs to know daily with the spoken word, that her husband loves her. She needs daily hugs, kisses and affection.  Romance is a necessary regular ingredient for nearly all women, for emotional happiness in marriage.
Companionship – she desires her husband’s company, friendship,  
and attention.  It is important for a healthy relationship to make time to be alone together doing something both enjoy.
Communication – women need to have meaningful discussions with their spouse, the sharing of thoughts and ideas.
Commitment – a woman particularly needs the security of knowing her husband appreciates her and is totally committed to her for life. Proverbs 5:19
Note: It is often easier for a woman to respond physically after these and other needs for love have been satisfied.   

RESPECT

It is vital to make the decision to always respect our mate.  This keeps a lot of strife out, and is following God’s commands. Ephesians 5:33, 1Peter 3:7

COMMUNICATION

It is vital to talk with one another, and share feelings, thoughts, and ideas.  An evening walk, or a meal out can often encourage conversation.The area of finance is especially important to discuss, and a couple needs to work out a family budget or plan together.
Parenting issues is another important area which needs to be worked out together, so that the couple can relate as a united team to the children, which again brings harmony and security to the home. 

FORGIVENESS                                

We can’t come before God in right standing if we hold unforgiveness in our hearts toward our spouse.  This is a sin in God’s eyes, no matter how justified we may feel! If we remain unforgiving, we only block our walk with God, and rob ourselves of much joy and peace, and cause ourselves unneeded emotional suffering.  Forgiveness starts as an act of the will. Before we ask God to change our spouse, we need to ask God to change us, give us more grace, more love, more patience etc! Ephesians 4:26, Matthew 6:14-15, Mark 11:25, Colossians 3:13, Romans 12:17-21
We need to see our partner through the eyes of faith, how God sees him/her, and pray the best for him/her.

POSITIVE POINTS

Make the decision to never again be critical of your partner in  word, thought or deed.  With practice, this can become a lifestyle. Matthew 7:1-2, 1 Corinthians 13 Study your partner.  Become sensitive to the areas where your partner feels a lack, and think of ways to build your partner up in those areas.  Hebrews 10:24, Ephesians 4:29 Think every day of positive qualities and behavior patterns you admire and appreciate in your mate ( what first attracted you to your mate? )   Philippians 4:8
Show your partner he/she is the most important person in your life – always.  Express your love and appreciation for all that they are and do, consistently.  Ephesians 5:33, Romans 12:10 Remember our battle is not against flesh and blood (your partner), but spiritual forces arrayed against our marriages.  

Ephesians 6:12, 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 Keep on the same side as your partner and fight the devil’s schemes together!!! What a powerful team, when two are in close unity and standing on Gods Word!   Philippians 2:1-4

For the topic of, divorce we highly recommend the book, Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage by Kenneth E.Hagin available at http://www.rhema.org

For singles we recommend the book, His Rules by Chris Burge available at http://www.chrisburgeministries.com